She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
