His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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