I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
