Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
