Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
3 2 1 whiskey
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
