So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
