Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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