watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
