ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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