Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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