Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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