we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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