In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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