My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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