Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
