based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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