Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
