a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
