where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm eating all of the evidence.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
