I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
