My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
