He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
