idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
