On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
