i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
