Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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