I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
