Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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