I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
