I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
