I cannot find my penis.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
