my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
