Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Welp...herpes.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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