TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
