I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
