Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
