party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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