so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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