I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
