It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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