i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Holy sore nipples Batman
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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