I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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