it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my shit smells like andre
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
This is the high leading the old right now
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
