I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
my poor anus
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
