he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
