Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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