she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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