I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
