Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
