When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
