can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
