Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
