forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
