you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I have fence marks all over my body
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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