i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
