Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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