4 words: hood of his car
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
it was like eating out sand paper
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
