does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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