no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
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i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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