im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
