I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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