I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
