those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
