Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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