I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
