I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I am puke
one two three fourrrrnication!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
