I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
