you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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